What the fuck is a SANGANO?

So, I’m at this bar chilling out with my drink minding my own business. It’s the bartender’s birthday so there’s a contest to win free shots. Guess her age correctly and the shots are on her. If you guess incorrectly, you’re paying for yours and hers. Needless to say, the bartenders a little drunk but the patrons…are wasted. There’s a guy there who just won’t stop guessing the same incorrect age. They’re both taking the shots and he’s done. Destroyed. Fucked up. On the verge of a Hindenburg. She cuts him off from anymore alcohol and cracks a few jokes on his stumbling and his failed attempt to hook up with anyone at the bar. He just sits there looking as if he were about to throw up. After a while, he calls the bartender over and says to her, “You’re the most beautiful thing I’ve seened. I hope who ever gets the chance to gets with you truly appreciates you cause you sure are beautiful.” Now she wasn’t a fucking wreck of a woman. But she was no supermodel. She spent the last 10 minutes berating him, he doesn’t know her, but he is singing her praises. He basically paid FOR A BARTENDER to get drunk AT HER JOB and went home alone to violate himself properly. This guy was clearly a fucking sangano.


Ladies, do you have that male friend who hangs out just to hang out? The guy that goes dancing with you just to go dancing? Is he that super safe friend who you can trust won’t ever try anything? And even if he did, you could reject him and know that he would still love you forever? Is he that guy who buys gifts and flowers before the first date? That guy that is always willing to go the extra mile for nothing? The builder of self-esteem where there should be none, the moral pillar that keeps you away from guys you’d normally talk to and the male shoulder you can always cry on if a normal guy you actually like causes you a little stress? Is he the occasional mistake (pity fuck) or the “voice of reason?” He’s your sangano and I HATE THAT GUY.

Now many of you may be confused by the term “sangano” and wonder what it means. The Urban Dictionary defines a sangano as “A person who is girlieish. A dolt, an idiot, a fool. One who is easily taken advantage of. A naïve individual.” We all usually have a love-hate relationship with sanganos because they’re entertaining to a degree. Their fuck ups are classic. They’re aspirations are normal, noble most of the time, and they’re simple people.

So what’s wrong with sanganos, you may ask?

Inflation is a bitch in any economy. Webster's Dictionary defines inflation as “a continuing rise in the general price level usually attributed to an increase in the volume of money and credit relative to available goods and services.” SANGANOS, stop paying for free pussy, ESPECIALLY HOES. Infusing hoes with a false sense of self worth because “dudes is buying her drinks at da bar” is wrong. Seriously wrong. I don’t care what ANYONE says. Whether you’re a 16 year old with no bills and a job or a 90 year oil tycoon with millions, YES it is trickin’! EVEN IF YOU GOT IT! Most of the times, you sanganos save up paychecks to take these scandalous skeezers to shop, for dinner, or for whatever you lames think will open up her heart to you. HOES ARE FREE. THAT’S WHY THEY’RE HOES. STOP FUCKING UP THE MARKET.

Guys, you ever walk up to a girl who was clearly a 4 and realized that for some reason she was under the impression that she was a 10+? Sanganos are the reason why we got hoes nowadays demanding shit like respect and to be taken out and acknowledgement of their existence in public. Back in the good old days, a McChicken and an open crib sufficed. This was the America I loved.

Most of you are wondering. “Wow, how do I know if some is a sangano?” or “Am I a sangano, myself?” Here are some symptoms of sanganosis.

1. Sanganos are the first to arrive and last to leave.
2. Sanganos love the help. (Strippers. Shot Girls. Waitresses. Bartenders. Hostesses…)
3. Sanganos have 138 female friends and haven’t had a girlfriend in 3 years… if ever.
4. Sanganos always offer unsolicited advice. Following this advice will lead your demise socially 98.4% of the time.
5. Sanganos always wanna know how they look but never REALLY wanna know the answer.
6. Sanganos cry. Uber emotional about shit they shouldn’t be emotional about (mostly women).
7. Sanganos love strobe lights. I don’t get it.
8. Sanganos will try ANYTHING to get a girl.
9. Sanganos have “types” but very low standards. (mustaches, fucked up teeth, beer bellies accepted...)
10. Cock blocking is EXCLUSIVE SANGANO ACTIVITY.

Cock-blocking is a cardinal sin but it’s the “Go To” play of 97% percent of sanganos. Now not all sanganos are cock-blockers but every cock blocker is a fucking sangano. Their thirst for attention is insatiable. They’re always showing out and dancing harder than a coked-up raver in a Brooklyn basement. This is the sangano’s mating call. It’s his attempt to show dominance in an area, but most of the time he comes off looking uber gay or super aggressive.

Let’s combat the problem at its source, America. Stop allowing sangano activity to go unchecked. Whether it be friend, foe or even yourself. No, you don’t have to buy her a drink. Yes, you can split the check. No, she’s not the most beautiful thing you’ve ever seen and if so you’re dumb enough to think so right now, at least stop and wait ‘til you’ve known this chick for a little more than 14 minutes.

And women, you don’t have to accept the drinks, the dinners, or the gifts. No, you don’t need to give that male friend the comfort of companionship as a substitute for a real relationship. No he’s not an alternative point of view or the voice of reason. He’s a sangano. He’s just rehashing your point of view in hopes you see how much he loves you so he can fuck you. And yes, he really wants to fuck you. Blame yourself for the excessive texts and phone call and emails and smoke signals. You invited this when you allowed yourself to be cool with a fucking sangano.