Fucking Posers...

I’m not the only hater on the block and I love sharing the limelight with friends. TODAY we have a special guest hater. Introduce yourself to the masses.

Jose: greetings to all the ladies, gentlemen, trannies, midgets, and even you couple of sanganos in the background...
the name's jose, old friend and fellow hatemonger to your regularly-scheduled truth-spitter, joseph.
me: You're too kind.
well today's topic is posers
nowadays having ever passed a bum on the street, seen a 50 cent video or once shared a table in college while drunk with a black person wearing a durag makes u ghetto
this is the select group i feel deserve a big bat to the face

Jose: you mean motherfuckers that are actually from new canaan, connecticut but because they picked up a half-ounce of weed once from the dirtiest slum imaginable in white plains, new york think that they're on hood status?
you can't really pimp in a prius, now can you?


me: lol
i've seen it attempted but the worst of bitches ride with these dudes
like your looking at some fat bitches with sweat marks under there tits with fat asses

Jose: i heard that you can find special prizes under those chicks' rolls, like some hidden legend of zelda type shit. scrolls and maps to hidden treasure.
but on the realness, the reason the worst of bitches ride with those dudes is that the worst of bitches enjoy the thin veneer of danger that comes with a McGangsta.

me: do you mean the "Let's go to the projects of Newark to get weed or watever and act as if everyone has a gun and wants to kill us" when really you're on a college campus 2miles away and everyone there doesn't give a fuck about you.
What's the worst type of poser?

Jose: In my opinion
the type of poser I hate the most is of the Can'tye Dress't variety
I'm talking about dudes and chicks that three years ago thought that Rocawear was the epicness and made fun of any dude wearing jeans that fit or any chick that didn't tuck her three-sizes-too-small denim into jordans but now get mad beast and layer on everything they can buy from urban outfitters.


me: COMPLETELY CONCUR
Last year they wore 4XL Tees and and now theyre rocking SMEDIUM tees and fitted plaid shorts. I'm all for people growing in style but they don't even looking comfortable rocking their express skinny jeans and the worse is they start rocking colors they never wore
Jose: EXACTLY
me: like green jeans and purple v-necks
fuck you
Jose: Bitch, if the most adventurous you ever got was rocking a red fitted instead of a blue one with your blue tee and blue timbs, what makes you think you're going to do a good job of dressing yourself in multiple colors?
Got people looking like Atlantic City signs that need repair, walking up and down the streets.
Stop fucking with neon, people.
me: PLEASE now that its acceptable to rock purple DOESNT MEAN YOU ONLY ROCK PURPLE everything and try making your jordans fit
FUCK... and then they act like they were always on it
"oh yeah. I been rocking these colors" while photographic evidence shows they havent worn anything other than black or brown since 1998

Jose: Besides the fact that at the end of the day, these kids all love to rep the 80s mad hard... "oh im an 80s baby"... you know, im really sorry you cant forge your own identity, but THAT DECADE ENDED.
Miami Vice is not on the air, freestyle is not what they're playing in the club, and you need to check your Ray-Bans at the door please.

me: looking like Mars Blackmon cousin and shit. Go practice some safe sex and fuck yourself

Jose: Hahaha the shit that gets me though is that they automatically get mad gassed on themselves and think theyre the hottest shit ever
And I attribute this entirely to one man, as named in my name for this type of poser... apologies to all the Kanye fans, but he's ruined black people.
Specifically by inspiring them to dress like rejects from some niggerfied version of Back to the Future and by making them think that if their ego isnt the size of the motherland that they're not living
right.

me: ROTFLMAO
I don't think it was only him tho
this is a by product of the skateboard culture into "hip hop"
Jose: Definitely the other co-conspirator here.
me: but instead of being more like terry kennedy niggas wanted to become spacejam meets the killers
Jose: in other words, niggaz wanted to not be niggers and instead tried to be gay astronauts.
me: ..... pretty much
Jose: What's funny to me is that black people have been skating since wheels hit the pavement, dig?
It was never exclusively a white thing
me: I know
i saw "kids"
lol
Jose: Hahaha
So again it all doubles back to these ignorant motherfuckers, who used to make fun of any soy sauce colored cat on a deck with wheels, who then ran out to their local skate shop and bought a deck and just MATCHED THAT SHIT TO THEIR NIKES

me: Mind you i rock Nike SB's and I have been rocking them since 2005 but nowadays you see these man-pirates raiding skate shops looking for kicks that i had 4 years ago and putting it together with a Fonsworth Bentley-esque bowtie
those who do this, find your nearest cliff and toss yourself off of it


Jose: Better yet, since you're apparently a victim of the unofficial Every Child Left Behind Act initiated by crack-addicted parents during your favorite bygone era, do us all a favor and track down your mom
cuz I wanna ask the bitch how in the world she let your dad nut in her belly, and why she didnt abort you.
On some level, I thank you for stimulating on the economy, but on the other hand, I hope someone scuffs your precious kicks on the subway.

me: The worse part, besides the overall retinal deterioration, is the smugness of these man-servant wannabes or worse, they call themselves gangster
let me get this straight, you're currently wearing a v neck that reaches your diaphragm and lime pants that if u saw yourself 3 years ago, you would fuck yourself up, NOW, now you're gangster?
slashing your wrist is the least you can do for the rest of man kind
Jose: Reminds me of a good story
And one that brings us full circle
So basically, I'm at this party talking shit with some friends, and two people in particular catch our eye
one is a blatantly homosexual white dude wearing a tight-ish white tee and some jeans, some Nikes, and a fitted. Said gaydude has a teardrop tattoo that me and my peoples were speculating was fake.
On the other hand, we had a substantially taller black kid decked out in box-fresh kicks, crisp jeans, his illest graphic tee, a purple bandana around his neck, and neon shades on, and he was there
with his own little crew of rainbow turds.
me: ahh the new age teenage mutant asshole turtles
Jose: Precisely.
So anyway, Donatello and crew must've been talking shit because all of a sudden, gay dude breaks the conversation he's having and starts to mean mug the black kids so hard that you could see the daggers flying out of his eyes at them...
and once they figured out they'd been heard, they started mean mugging back.
Now, in any typical situation, you'd expect this boy booty-raiding white boy to get handed his head, but please bear in mind, we're talking about the posers here
Gay dude cracks his beer bottle on a table nearby and takes a swipe at Donatello's face, leaving him with a delightfully executed slice right across his cheek
me: flamboyant fighter
Jose: At this point, the bag of M&Ms and their freshly-shaved friend freak the fuck out and leave the place faster than you could say "H&M Sale".
And, as I found out from a friend of mine later that evening, the violent homo in question had actually done a bid for manslaughter and was not to be fucked with on any basis, ever, if you enjoy breathing
air.
So, moral of the story is, stop fucking fronting. Books ARE supposed to be judged by the cover, and if the way you present yourself to the world doesnt jive with who you are behind that facade, you will get your fucking wig pushed back by queer killers.

me: The most disrespected person should be the person who's knowledge of self is about as confusing as the labels and color combinations they put together. They're lack of style is only made
worse by they're complete lack of originality and culture. Because if they had any they'd be too ashamed to be seen wearing the lamery they considered credible clothing. More important than the clothes is the lack of heart. Get it right america.
Jose: Seriously. Stop teabagging my life with your lameness.